"That's gay." How often have we heard (or even said) this phrase as slang to express disdain for something. It is a saying that is commonly used as a euphemism for something derogatory in nature. I remember in high school, some 11 years ago, when I used this phrase as a euphemism and was appropriately chewed out by a friend for saying it. I also remember that I bristled at being chastised for what I thought was a relatively minor infraction. Yet today, when I hear (or read on Facebook) someone use that phrase, I cringe and think to myself, "Did they just say that?!?!" The thought of using this phrase has become so foreign to me that I would not dream of saying something so vile. So something has changed within me during those 11 years, but what?
As I reflect on the influences during my high school years that led me to believe that saying such a thing was acceptable and even expected, and realize that most of those influences originated from athletics. It was as if I was in a bubble, keeping me from reality. When I graduated high school, and continued with college athletics, the bubble still existed. I remember the taunting and teasing of guys that the team perceived as gay. I never participated, but I took notice. I actually think the majority of the team would have been receptive if a teammate came out as gay and would not have harassed that teammate for it. However, the ones they perceived as "closet cases," were mocked incessantly for it. I think noticing this disparity was the first step to moving beyond such thinking. If you would accept a person for being gay, why would you mock someone that you suspect is gay? It just does not make any sense. As I began to progress beyond that sophomoric mindset, I stopped using that term. As I made friends, met associates and worked with people who were openly gay, the thought of using the term "gay" as a derogatory term eventually fled my consciousness.
Today, that is why I am so surprised when I hear someone use the expletive "That's gay;" I figure that we have moved beyond such things. The results of Kian and Anderson's article (2009) also suggest that we as Americans, and our athletes, are moving beyond such homophobic remarks. They also suggest that Americans are in the process of losing their homophobic sentiment, not that they have lost it. So it is a process, but at least it appears to be moving in a better, and more tolerant, direction.
I think my favorite line in your entry was a question in the second paragraph.
ReplyDelete"If you would accept a person for being gay, why would you mock someone that you suspect is gay?"
Reading that question makes made me think about my own experiences in school and sport. It sounds ridiculous but I know people who actually do this. I appreciated your reflection on what you have learned and how you have changed since high school. I firmly believe if more people had these types of relfections, the process of creating a less homophobic society would speed up.
Both of you make great points, and Matt, I can totally identify with how you described yourself growing up. A bubble is a perfect way to put it and like you for the most part I was still in a bubble for the beginning of college. It wasnt until I saw first hand how some great friends of mine who were gay were treated in public and by being with them I was lumped in with the 'gayness'. It is terrible to think that it took it to the point where I was being made fun of for my bubble to burst and reality set in...no one should go through that and I regret not having seen it earlier.
ReplyDeleteI know many times we are in a bubble, but I think the term "you are gay" is just that. A word that is not taken literally by the one using it. While the initial implementation was probably a homophobic slur, I think in most cases(not all) it is used in the context of 'that is stupid" Just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI think fraternity life was what taught me the most acceptance in my maturation into an adult. It may be the only redeeming quality about my experience in a fraternity. When I first considered joining a fraternity, my reaction was "That's the gayest thing I've ever heard. 70 guys living under one roof with no girls?" But all my friends were joining and everyone on my tennis team was in one fraternity, so I drank the kool-aid. A year later we had two guys that really expressed an interest in joining the fraternity, and both were gay. No one expressed discontent with them joining, but no one was ecstatic about it. They turned out to be two of my best friends. You don't have to agree with everyone's life choices, but you have to respect them as people, and part of that is understanding you don't make decisions for others. Our fraternity had several guys in it that preferred men to women, and that is their choice not mine. It took me 20 years to gain perspective on this matter, but better late than never. Some still haven't.
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree that as I have grown older and continue maturing I no longer use the phrase "that's gay" and take offense to it. Its a sign of ignorance, in my opinion, for someone to find the need to use such a term. I too have a new found respect for homosexuals that stems from actually associating with gays and not just chastising them. At the end of the day being gay does not make you less athletic, less of a good friend, less of a "tough guy" and definitely does not make you any less human. However, I think society needs to continue to mature, as a whole, before slurs like "that's gay" are no longer thrown around.
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